Sandra A. Doron LCSW
Your last column addressed issues relating to single people and I could identify with some of your comments. I am not in a relationship and feel quite lonely and depressed. I have been reading your column over the past several months, and would like some help in learning how to accept people for who they are. I get caught up with negative stuff, such as bearing grudges, focusing on what I don’t have, and wishing I had done things differently, but feeling it is too late now.
Instead of responding in my usual way, I would like to change course this one time of the year, and offer you a few phrases to think about. They are phrases that I believe are filled with thought-provoking ideas that may resonate with you and reduce your negative thinking. I don’t know where these phrases come from, and perhaps you have even heard them before.
1. “No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won’t make you cry.” (Does this mean the right person will never make you cry?)
2. “Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.” ( Does this mean we need to compromise with those we love? What compromises are expected in any relationship? Can we ever have it “all?”)
3. “Maybe it is our destiny to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful.” (Who are the “wrong people”? How do you know who the right person is? Is it important to be grateful? How do you express gratitude?)
4. “Don’t try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.” (How many times in your life have you experienced something joyful when you least expected it? How do you explain such a thing?)
5. “Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else, and expect them to know you.” (What does it mean to make yourself a “better” person? How can you ever know who you are?)
Help Me Accept, if you and other readers would take the time to answer the questions I have raised in parentheses following each of these phrases, I believe you will be enlightened and will discover much about yourself. Discuss your answers with a trusted friend. If you wish, you may want to send your answers back to me, anonymously, and I will be happy to publish them in future columns. Learning and growing is the adventure we are all engaged in—for life.
This site was last updated 02/03/06