One Lonely Guy

 

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RELATIONSHIPS MATTER
Sandra A Doron LCSW

Dear Sandra:

Iíve noticed that most of those who write to you are women, so I want to address what I think is a menís issue. I am 72 years old, retired, and live a relatively isolated life. I do not go out much, and my close relatives are either dead, or not in touch with me any more. I notice that women are more likely to develop a close-knit group of friends, or they may go out more, and mingle more with people. I am somewhat of an introvert, but as I get older, I am feeling more lonely. I have 2 horses, and 4 dogs, and like my independence, but am more and more wishing to have a female companion. My wife died several years ago.

One Lonely Guy

Dear One Lonely Guy:

Let me assure you that you are not alone, and that there are many men just like you, who are feeling lonely and somewhat isolated. I admire you for your courage to write to me. It must have been very difficult to acknowledge what you are thinking and feeling, especially since you impress me as being a man who takes pride in his independence. And yes, I agree, many more women tend to bond with others more readily than men do, which makes their singlehood somewhat easier than the singlehood of men.

If you are wishing to have a companion, then that wish could become a reality. You have already taken the first and perhaps most difficult step: to acknowledge your wish, and reach out for some help. You may have had a good marriage, and are now yearning for the companionship you once had.

Since you e-mailed me, I am going to assume that you have a computer. More than a million American men and women over the age of 63 are turning to computers to help them find their match. Match.com, one of the largest internet dating sites, reports that in 2003, registrations by singles 65 and older grew by 122%. So many men and women are experiencing similar feelings of isolation and loneliness, and are searching for companionship. The AARP magazine, has a column, called Modern Love. The magazineís website: aarpmagazine.org enables you to learn how to safely use online services, which is essential if you are considering on-line dating. Many older adults like the convenience of on-line dating and the ability to streamline their search by age, common interests, and geographical area. But it is important to be aware of some of the pitfalls. Internet daters frequently lie about their weight, age, and income. They especially lie about their age. The good news for men is because women tend to live longer than men, there are many more women looking for men.

If on-line dating does not appeal to you, finding other ways to meet women may require some ingenuity. Since you have taken the initiative to write to me, my guess is that you take initiative in other ways as well. Talking to your pastor, priest, or rabbi could open many doors, if you are in some way affiliated with a church or synagogue. Since you like animals, you may want to consider organizing a group within your community with similar interests, by posting a note on your vetís bulletin board, or asking your vet if you could write about your interest in forming a group of like-minded animal lovers in his monthly bulletin. You would most likely meet others who are single and retired. Similarly, if you like to walk, you may find others who would love to walk with you. But you have no choice but to reach out, as you did by contacting me , and let others know what your interests and needs are. You may be pleasantly surprised by the positive responses you could get.

Sandra A Doron is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker A & A Couples Counseling Acknowledge and Appreciate (Keys to a Successful Relationship)

 

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This site was last updated 01/22/06